Listening to ke$ha, depressed like a junkie without his vice. Bad idea? I think not; IT’S A FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA. But you know what, it feels so good, there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing right now… I don’t want to play a game; I don’t want to chat with anyone. I just want to revel in this nothingness that is the moment I’m in. with music blasting so hard into my eardrums that it’s a bit painful. C’mon is the song that’s playing right now, and though I can’t hear the words, the beat is lovely… yes, I said lovely. Cause it is. The one moment in my life feel like I don’t really want anybody next to me, talking to me o any of that shit. This is one of those moments where we crash-and-burn all relationships we’ve tried to nurture over the days. They all lie in smoldering pile of wreckage beneath my feet during this period of self inflicted pain. And after all this, we still going to have to repair all the damage that we have done.
I remember a conversation I had the other day on how the people with the most ‘friends’ could be the loneliest, well I’m not saying I’m lonely but fuck! It feels good to be alone right now. With the rest of the world blocked out, you can finally hear yourself think. For once you can make a totally independent decision; away from the judgment of others.
I can finally stare at all the girls I like who I know my friends don’t think is hot. Well, its kind of just one girl. But shit is complicated… though I think I’m going to uncomplicated the shit out of it tomorrow. If the price to pay is being alone, well, FUCK IT!!! It’s not like I’ve never been alone before. Heck! I’ve been alone all my life, and no it wasn’t lonely.